What is space? How does the mind travel? What am I doing here? These are some of the questions that cross my mind while I’m trying to get some sleep on a bench in Stansted airport at 2am. Bruce Springsteen comes up on shuffle and tells me there’s something happening somewhere and he’s right – this weekend that something is BODYSLAM! Wrestling, running their yearly show at the Skråen in Aalborg, Denmark. Inspired by the podcast done by Mike, Arn and JP right here, on Eurograps.com (SmackDown! pop), I decided to take advantage of cheap flights and the last days of the UK in the Schengen area (Zack Sabre Jr. had promised to fix Brexit “after I’m done with this big boy”) – to add another country to my wrestling map.

“Holding Out for a Hero” starts playing. Valentine is the first wrestler out and I’m instantly Danshoku’d before I even realize what’s going on. He’s a heel from Finland who’s a mix of Val Venis and Dino. Although this has the appearance of a family show, he jerks off his gear a lot. The kids seem confused and the mothers are laughing. Chuck Mambo is next out and he has brought some beach balls to play volleyball with fans but everyone is hopeless. Chuck does his usual moves and connects with some people while others prefer to root for the more familiar guy, who ends up winning after a low blow.

Next up is a 6-man tag with what appears to be some very loosely affiliated teams: two greaser rockabillies (Rayo & Rick Dominick) tagging with a man with a purposefully cheap looking exclamation mask costume, against a guy who looks straight out of a Bon Jovi aerobics video, a flippy youngish-looking dude, and someone who manages to look like the opposite of everyone else in this match. Exclamation Mark, or as he is actually called, “Kaptajn BODYSLAM!” is the most popular guy on the match and the fans enjoy the possibilities that such a gimmick provides for banter, like when after being crushed in the corner someone shouts “now you’re just a dot”. Running translation to the show is being provided by Brother Mort (@brothermort), who drove up from Aarhus. He meets me at the hotel, which is right next to the venue but overpriced for the size of the room. We walk to the town centre to have dinner at Bone’s, a chain of american inspired restaurants in Denmark with BBQ food and a salad bar. The walls are covered with all kinds of American memorabilia,  from Frank Sinatra pictures to Phantom Menace ships. The rockabillies would fit right in.

If you’re looking to eat something completely different, I had lunch at an Italian restaurant named “La Locanta”. It was somewhat expensive but the food was great and they have a special menu where you pick how many courses you want and the chef decides what you’re gonna get. This is a good way to avoid responsibility and you get more value for your meal. Denmark has its own currency with coins that have holes in them and notes emblazoned with Michael Fynne’s face. Well, at least the one I got during his entrance did – but then again it also said “Fynne Reserve Note – One Hundred Dollarz” so it probably isn’t legal tender. Fynne has been BODYSLAM! champion for 623 days and is defending the title in a ladder match against Peter Olisander (not that one), who came out first and read from the Book of Truth (not that one). He says that Aalborg is the “City of Sin”. That wasn’t the impression I got in the few hours I’ve spent here but the night is still young. The ring announcer does a Gideon announcing Fynne and it’s totally deserved, since he has charisma for days and the crowd loves him. There are two ladders in this match and they both look like they would hurt a lot. Olisander can attest to this since he is the first to land on one and immediately gets a huge bruise on his arm. Fynne takes the opportunity to climb the ladder but forgets how hands work and can’t grab the title. He has another shot later but he’s thwarted when the lights go out and is met by interference from Emeritus and Bane from Batman & Robin – allowing Peter Olisander to grab the belt and end a 623 day reign.

Emeritus comes back to open the second half of the show against David Starr. Starr forgot his trunks back in the UK and has to wrestle in borrowed leggings, which is a weird look. The Danish also take issue with his body hair and there are some “Yeti” chants, along with a lot of “USA” chants. Denmark seems to love America, or at least the romanticised version of it. This is easily the best match on the show in terms of *puts glasses on* workrate. Starr sells the leg a lot for most of the match, while Emeritus is a master of the dark arts. After a hot strike exchange, Starr hits a strong finish sequence for the win, ending with the new package piledriver variation that he’s been using. Emeritus comes out looking good and will surely be a star in European wrestling very soon.

The last match before the main event is a short women’s hardcore match between Sixt and Betty Rose. There was the usual weapon based fun, and a spot where Sixt spat beer directly into Betty Rose’s mouth. I guess Olisander was right about Aalborg after all. Mort found it gross, but I didn’t hate it. Sixt choked out Rose with a kendo stick for the finish. Both wrestlers were popular despite being Swedes, which contradicts what happens in the main event; but first, a message from our sponsors: Nordjyllands Trafikselskab.

If you need to get around in Aalborg, take the bus. It costs between 11 and 22 DKK for a ticket (approx. 1.30-2.60 GBP or 1.50-3.00 EUR) and it takes about 15 min to travel between the airport and the city centre. The tickets are valid for one hour and don’t need to be stamped. You can buy them from a machine at the airport, on the NT Billet app or from the driver, who will speak English and give you change from a big bag. Everyone speaks perfect English here and the weather is very similar; there’s also a queen and a conservative government. You could be forgiven to think you were still in the UK if not for the reception that the Swedes received in the main event.

This is the match to find out the inaugural BODYSLAM! Tag Team champions. On one side; the Sveriges Elit of Harley Rage (good name) and Steinbolt (looks like Charlie Sterling) – they are booed relentlessly by everyone, with Mort standing out, as he really, really *shoot* hates the Swedes. The home team comes out next, to, for some reason,”I’m Shipping Up to Boston”. I fail to see the connection, but maybe it’s another chapter in Denmark’s weird relation with America. They are as loved as the dirty, rotten swedes are hated. Matthew Burnett is a young dude with a nice funky look who does all the cool spots while Tank is the old guy who does the selling. A microcosm of wrestling in the 21st century. Some “Fuck IKEA” chants from the crowd early on become relevant later when the Elit (copyright avoiding) brings out a table. As is custom, they end up going through it themselves due to a chokeslam from Tank. Add that to the black gear and MMA gloves and he is pretty much the Danish Undertaker. Said chokeslam leads to a three count and the place erupts. Everyone goes home happy, including myself – I was still smiling 24 hours later.

This was not a show filled with great wrestling matches, but it was very well laid out with a ton of variety and a show that got the best out of a limited pool of talent – exactly what I was looking for. After attending 200+ shows in the UK, Germany and Ireland across the last 3 years, I’m setting out in 2019 to find the hidden gems of European wrestling and BODYSLAM! was the perfect place to start. Although the trip was rough and completely devoid of any sleep – I enjoyed visiting a new country, a new city and a new promotion, and an “old” friend in Brother Mort. He won’t be there for everyone, but I still recommend making the trip over to Denmark and checking out BODYSLAM! live in Aalborg, Aarhus or Copenhagen.

✏️ João L. @TheKingofBoom 🇵🇹

BODYSLAM! Pro Wrestling is available to watch on wXwNOW and their own Video On Demand service.

The Big European Tour released an episode on BODYSLAM! and Danish Wrestling in October 2018 and you can listen to it as well as many other episodes from the EuroGraps team here.